


Angel School of Driving

by morganoconner



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Gen Fic, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-01
Updated: 2010-01-01
Packaged: 2017-10-18 06:23:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/185943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morganoconner/pseuds/morganoconner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is one human invention that is even more logic defying than humans themselves… <i>Automobiles.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Angel School of Driving

**Anna**

Of all the angels, Anna was probably the luckiest. She had learned to drive while still human, had perfected the art of knowing how to use the accelerator versus the brake, the windshield wipers versus the headlights, the radio versus the temperature control... Later, as an angel, she was very smug about this, especially as she continued hearing reports of such failed attempts by the others.

~

**Uriel**

Uriel had always had anger management issues. While the act of driving helped calm this in many people, in Uriel, it had quite the opposite effect.

His first experience with a car was fifty-three seconds after arriving on earth and taking hold of his vessel. The mud monkey had been crossing the street when he’d heard Uriel’s voice, and upon hearing the angel, all thoughts of safety had apparently fled…so the angel himself was standing in the middle of the road as he tried to get his bearings.

The car, an adorable powder blue Prius, hit him at sixty miles an hour. For a long time after that, Uriel took it upon himself to smite every Prius he saw with a vengeance that shocked even the most vengeful of the archangels.

His first experience _in_ a car was not much better…in fact, certain people might say it was actually much worse. He was in a city he couldn’t be bothered to learn the name of, scouting it to see if it would need to be… _taken care of._ There was a seal nearby, and he had to at least make it seem as though he wanted it to remain intact. If he got to wipe out a few mud monkeys in the process, well, who was he to complain? But until then, he needed to… _blend in_ , no matter how much he scoffed at the idea. There were too many people here to risk just flying in and out as he needed to move.

So, he was in the back of a bright yellow car, with a jabbering mud monkey in the front seat and a whole horde of them lined up in their own annoying automobiles in front of and behind them.

The vehicle behind them let out a screech like a banshee, and Uriel growled. From the front seat, the driver of his current vehicle reached out of the window and made some sort of human gesture involving a fist with one finger outstretched. A moment later, there was the sound of gunfire, the back window smashed in, and Uriel had a bullet lodged in the back of his head.

Seconds later, the street exploded and Uriel departed with the sound of furious wingbeats.

~

**Zachariah**

Zachariah did not drive so much as he crashed. Straight through a brick wall. In reverse. This happened during his very brief stint at “Mr. Adler”. But this experience, to his way of thinking, did not exist, because he made it a point to make sure everyone within a mile radius would never remember. He had not so much as lifted a finger to touch a car since.

~

**Lucifer**

The Devil approached driving the same way he approached almost everything to do with humanity: sneering condescension and a somewhat mild curiosity. To rid this planet of those who continually worked to destroy it, he needed to understand them. And to understand them, he occasionally dabbled in their strange customs and habits.

Feeling ambitious, he decided to tackle two things at once. He wanted to get a feel for what they considered a learning environment, and he wanted to understand why they all relied so heavily on this mode of transportation they called a “car”. So, he attended a driving school.

For a week, he sat behind a very tiny wooden desk and listened to a short man with greasy hair and a nervous twitch drone on and on about “The Rules of the Road”. It was all very dull, but when he finally reached his first scheduled on-road driving session, he considered it a worthwhile experience. For all of this human’s faults, his car was very stylish, based on Lucifer’s understanding, with a top that could be retracted at will and a logo depicting a running horse, a creature Lucifer found to be beautiful.

He was very careful to listen to all of the sniveling man’s instructions, and by the end of an hour, felt he had a sufficient grasp of this “driving” concept. The rest, he decided, he could work out on his own, so long as he had a car to practice with.

With that thought in mind, he smiled serenely at the disgusting creature in front of him, lifted a hand, and pressed two fingers to his forehead. The man slumped over, and Lucifer left him on the side of the road as he drove off whistling merrily, content in the knowledge that when the man awoke, he would not remember he’d ever driven a car in his life, let alone owned one such as this.

~

**Gabriel**

Gabriel was around when the first vehicles were ever produced. He was around when the first _ideas_ for vehicles were even formed in the minds of various people around the world. It was insufficient to say he knew how a car worked. In reality, many of the quirks that vehicles _had_ came directly from him and his meddling.

And yet, it wasn’t until the apocalypse was upon them all that he actually drove for the first time. To say it was an unmitigated disaster would have been being kind to the poor archangel.

Truly, it’s probably safer if no details are mentioned here.

~

**Castiel**

Castiel knew he would probably never drive, though he was confident that he had the ability to. He had spent many stretches of time simply observing Dean’s driving, his subtle touches on the wheel, the amount of pressure he put on the accelerator depending on how fast he wanted to go, the way his eyes tracked the road in front of him…Castiel was very good at observing Dean, and Dean drove so often and for so long that he figured he had it down to an exact science.

But that did not change the fact that he would probably never, ever drive. There was only one other person Dean allowed the luxury of sitting in the driver’s seat, and that was his brother.

Still, Castiel found himself all right with that. There were many other interesting things he could do in the Impala, most without even being in the front seat. He decided that those activities were much more appealing then the ability to drive anyway.


End file.
